You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
