I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
