guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
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Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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