just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
