its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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