I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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