This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
