I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
