**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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