I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
