Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
