im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
my being single is dangerous.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
