this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
