if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
