If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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