i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My life is pants optional.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
