my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You were trust falling into bushes
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