Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
