We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
