yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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