As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
