i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
