I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
