I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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