i just wanna soil my oats bro
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
