Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Hippo gnu deer
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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