somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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