i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
