Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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