I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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