Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
