Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
