I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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