you have to choose: penises or morals?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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