I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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