he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
