I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
