he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
