You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
