Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
