The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
