I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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