So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
