White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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