what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
