She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
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I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
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Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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