If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
