Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
if i died would you start the facebook group?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
