coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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