Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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