Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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