How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
