I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
