Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
