You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Randomize
