I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
