my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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