I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
i've created a new STD.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
