somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
