My liver just broke up with me...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
