I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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