I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
