piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
